 | 22 Shots aren't reviewing this series anytime soon, so I decided to take it on. |
By: Jim K.
I've seen some, but not all. I've come to grips that these films are low budget which will hopefully get me through the series. Lol. Alright first up 1988's Witchcraft!
Witchcraft (1988) - Not a bad start to the series. Low budget with cheesy effects, but a decent story that had me interested all the way through. Takes from Rosemary's Baby but not on the same level. Acting is what you would expect. A solid 6.5/10.
Witchcraft II: The Temptress (1989) - This sequel followed two years after the original. I like the fact that there's direct continuity and call backs to the first one. Same low budget atmosphere and cheesy effects. I got a chuckle reading the disclaimer at the beginning of the film. Interesting to note that this movie made over a million bucks for the video distributors which are both crazy for that time and the reason another sequel would follow. It wasn't too bad, but not as good as the first. 5.5/10.
Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death (1991) The story of William Spanner continues as he tries to put his past behind him and lead a normal life. Of course, that's not gonna happen. Not much to say because it's a standard story which is OK, but not spectacular. The series is starting to get a little sleazier with plenty of T&A and some soft-core scenes. The ending fight scene had me laughing. I'll give it a pass. I have a feeling I won't be seeing many of those from here on out. 5/10.
Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart (1992) - The story of William Spanner's struggle with his secret identity continues into the 4th film of the series. Nice to see that they had the same protagonist in all three sequels so far (Charles Solomon Jr,). Spanner, still trying to lead a quiet existence, gets drawn into defending a kid framed for a series of brutal desert murders. He begins investigating which leads to some seedy places and characters. Of course, you get a helping of sleaziness, nudity, sex and witchcraft. It's very much like a neo-noir detective mystery and even has the same type of music and voice-over to boot. It's a standard, unoriginal story and the acting sucks large. Call me crazy, but I actually enjoyed this. If there was a budget here and some real actors, it could've been pretty decent. For me, it was the second best film of the series. 6/10.
Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil (1993) -This one saw a change in lead actor (Solomon, who I believe went on to TV) but that wasn't a good thing. The acting is dirt poor and it really takes me out of the film, especially the "evil" warlock (Huffman), who's anything but menacing and is just over-the top hilarious. The story's pretty ludicrous, but the script is just amateur. The finale's just a laugh fest. When everyone's unlikable, who do you root for? There's low-budget and then there's this. 3/10.
Witchcraft VI (1994) - Another year, another Witchcraft film and another actor change for the main character. Another story of Spanner being drawn into helping another investigation, This time, it's young virgins being killed by a suspected serial killer. We know, of course, that it's far more sinister than that. Basically it's a rinse and repeat storyline. The acting just really sinks this movie for me. It's like they put out an ad in the newspaper and brought in whoever was interested. The "climactic" endings of these films really crack me up. Slightly, and I mean slightly, better than part V. 3.5/10.
Witchcraft 7: Judgement Hour (Video 1995) - Former Canadian company Alliance Films took over the distribution of this film. Tagline: The final chapter. This one sees the conclusion of the William Spanner storyline and no, Jason does not make an appearance. The series takes off in a completely different direction with a new foe for spanner to battle - Vampires. Although not so out there because Witchcraft and vampires have a long interwoven history, I always need a shower after watching each movie: storyline, then long drawn out sex scene, rinse and repeat. Acting is pretty much the same as previous entries. The spanner role changes once again and the girlfriend role also changes for the third time. The dollar store effects in this series are cringe worthy and the ones in this film are no exception. They should've stopped here, but of course another nine films would follow. Sigh. 3/10.
Witchcraft 8: Salem's Ghost (1996) - I've reached the halfway point of the series and it's been an interesting experience. This one's a "new beginning" as it has no ties to the previous entries. I'm guessing the producers were going for one-off entries with no story continuity other than the underlying witchcraft theme. Did they succeed? Well, let's put it this way, when you take a film series that is on a thin thread and make it slapstick, then it just sinks to new lows. One example is an homage to the Exorcist which is just moan inducing. The acting still manages to reach new lows. Sometimes low budget films try to be everything instead of sticking to basics. This one fails
on all counts. One question that always bugs me watching these (mind you, there are a few hundred of those questions) - why are the priests in these films using witchcraft to combat the evil presence? Is the sleaziness still present? Let's put it this way: Messy, slimy honey scene - that's all I'm going to say. 2/10.
on all counts. One question that always bugs me watching these (mind you, there are a few hundred of those questions) - why are the priests in these films using witchcraft to combat the evil presence? Is the sleaziness still present? Let's put it this way: Messy, slimy honey scene - that's all I'm going to say. 2/10.
Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (1997) - Once again, the "final chapter" tagline of a film fails to hold up. They seem to have completely ignored the previous entry and gone back to the bread and butter William Spanner storyline. The only way to do it was to have him come back as a ghost and somehow he has a psychic connection with a prostitute who was in a bike accident and now has "special" powers? They also killed the continuity by changing the ending of Part 7 in this one. There's a parallel story of yet another investigation of a serial killer killing woman and talking pieces of their flesh. The witchcraft theme seems to take a back seat in this one. I sound like a broken record, but the acting here is just atrocious. You have the characters of a female professor and detective and they have less on than the prostitute. Very exploitative, illogical storyline, Bottom of the barrel trash. 1/10.
Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998) - The series goes international to London, England, where detective Lutz is on assignment to escort a killer satanist who's being extradited back to the States to stand trial for killing his followers. He's then rescued by a group of lesbian vampires in order to help them in some diabolical ceremony. What can I say? Story? Script? Acting? Horrid. You would think that after ten years of making these films they would respect the series and at least try to make a decent entry. But nope, This is a porno disguised as a "horror" film. Absolute drivel. 0.5/10.
Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (2000) - Sisters in Blood - The 2000s arrived and they were still making films in this series. I did some research and surprisingly the Witchcraft series isn't the record holder for number of films in a series. That goes to the Hong Kong comedy-horror series Troublesome Night, which had 19 films. Unreal. So, Spanner returns whole again and gets mixed up in another investigation, this one involving his new girlfriend's sister, who along with two friends are rehearsing for the roles of the three witches in a school play of Macbeth. They want to dig deeper into their roles and trouble follows. This movie had more sex and, surprisingly, some gore. Spanner senses trouble right away and decides not to tell anyone for some stupid reason, which leads to people getting killed - nice one.The acting, oh the acting in everyone of these films. I've never talked about the music of the series because it sucks all around. Am I done with this series? Pretty much. Of course, there are 5 more to go through. Oh my goodness. I may get 22 shots to the head or have an exploding head by the end of it. Lol. 1.5/10.
Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (2002) - Two years later and yet another actor comes in for the role of Will Spanner. Once again, he's drawn into another investigation and this one involves his best friend and his sister (who we've never seen in 11 previous films), Man, Spanner's just like Jessica Fletcher of the Murder She Wrote TV series - everywhere she goes it ends up being a case to be solved. Same tired formula, but at least the acting, while it wasn't great, was better than the past several films. The effects are just beyond. The continuity has gone out the window. 3/10.
Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008) -Blood of the Chosen (2008) - Twenty years of this series which is just mind blowing. They dropped the roman numerals in the title of this one. This film features the 8th person to play Spanner. Once again, he's trying to lead a "normal" life and help people, He gets caught up in another case involving ritualistic murders, where women are breaking men's hearts and eating them too. Spanner also has an "encounter" (he's getting in on the action now) with a client which may lead to his undoing. Dare I say it that this is a decent entry in this series? 3.5/10.
Witchcraft 14: Angel of Death (2016) - Angel of Death - Finally in the home stretch, unless they decide to release another five films by the time I'm done. Director David Palmieri shot the next three films at the same time in a three week period and designed it as a trilogy within this massive series. It centres around this young girl Rose, who has "special powers" inherited from her mother. She doesn't know anything about it and also can't control it, which not only attracts the interest of a shady coven of witches, disguised as a yoga studio, but also Spanner himself, along with the duo of agents Lutz and Garner (who are all different actors now). One thing I've never spoke about is the crazy timeline of this series. If you follow the timeline (which isn't easy), I end up with this film set in 2024 or as high as the 2040s - and you thought the Friday franchise was all over the place. The story-line's pretty straightforward, but leaves a lot of questions. Once again, the acting hurts this film. The actress that plays Sharon is strung out on something. Her delivery of lines is painful and she has these looks and rolling of the eyes. it's just creepy and not in a good way - I'll call her sleepy. (Is she just under a trance/spell that she's like this?). Lutz and Garner are just cardboard characters and couldn't act out of a paper bag. The Spanner character is central and important in this series and the actors who've played him have been hit and miss. The one in this film's just a plank of wood. He has this eye makeup that makes him look like a rocker from the 80s. Best description is a cross between Chris Angel, Zoolander and Alice Cooper. He had this emotional scene where he's crying and I couldn't stop laughing. The cherry on the cake is a three-line cameo from Brendan Mitchell, aka Wetmovie1. It was laughably bad. The film ends with a cliffhanger, which continues the story in the next film. This one had potential, but failed to realize it. Continuity and plot holes a plenty. 3.5/10.
Witchcraft 15: Blood Rose (2016) - The story of Rose continues in this second entry of the trilogy. After a loooong recap and opening title sequence which lasted twelve minutes, the story continues one month after the events of the previous entry. Sharon, the one with the weird look - aka sleepy - is back and has taken over the yoga studio. Everyone who survived the previous film is back as well, which may or may not be a good thing. Lol. Rose is still coming to grips with her new found powers and there are people who'd like to exploit them for a more sinister purpose. She is so not a heroine at all. The Sharon character is so off putting to watch. i can't describe it - you have to see it to believe it. Spanner's role's almost comic relief at this point and that's pretty disappointing. I don't know who thought he was the right choice for the role. Maybe he was the only option. Then there's the girl with the gap front teeth and crazy tats. She talks like Elmer Fudd. Instead of spending huge money on tats, I would've gone to a dentist. Sigh, everyone's unlikable. The closing credits were another ten minutes. Just one more to go - one more to go. 3/10.
Witchcraft 16: Hollywood Coven (2016) - This is it, folks. I've reached the 16th and last film of this series. The franchise concludes with the last film of the Rose trilogy. This time, they go in an interesting direction with a little meta a la New Nightmare. The film plays out in reality.as someone wants to use the cast to serve their own evil purposes. One of the funniest things of the film are the characters of Lutz and Garner, who use the same names in real life and wear police badges throughout the whole movie. Lol. Jeremy Freeman will be excited and happy to learn that this one features Sean C. Philips aka Coolduder. What's a low-budget trashy film without this guy? It's funny that some of the actors were still bad even playing themselves. Lol. It was refreshing that the film was very self aware and it played out that way. It was a different concept for the series and it was a nice way to wrap it up(?), but thank God it's over...for now. 3.5/10.
How do I follow this up and where do I go from here? Well, I took on the 2nd biggest franchise (by films), so maybe I'll take on THE biggest with the 19-film Troublesome Nights Horror-Comedy franchise...
Ok, so I've come to the end of the journey of reviewing one of the longest running horror franchises and I wanted to wrap up proper with some stats and final thoughts. 16 films over 29 years. For me, it was a tale of two franchises - the first half of the films which played fairly straight and the second half which went more exploitative and sleazy. Some were fine to watch, while others were a chore to get through. Lol. In a strange way, I got really into the series, then there would be a turd, then another and another, then a decent one, then an ok one, then a turd. Would I recommend the series? I'll be honest and say no, unless you love ultra-low budget films.
The stories and scripts are weak, the acting is terrible and continuity is all over the place with plot holes and inconsistencies throughout. Bad music with dollar store effects. Now it’s time to wrap by ranking the series films:.
Witchcraft (1988) 6.5/10
Witchcraft IV: Virgin Heart (1992) 6/10
Witchcraft II: The Temptress (1990) 5.5/10
Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death (1991) 5/10
Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven (2017) 3.5/10
Witchcraft XIV: Angel of Death (2016) 3.5/10
Witchcraft 6: The Devil's Mistress (1994) 3.5/10
Witchcraft 13: Blood of the Chosen (2008) 3.5/10
Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour (1995) 3/10
Witchcraft V: Dance With the Devil (1993) 3/10
Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (2002) 3/10
Witchcraft XV: Blood Rose (2016) 3/10
Witchcraft VIII: Salem's Ghost (1996) 2/10
Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (2000) 1.5/10
Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (1997) 1/10
Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998) 0.5/10
The average rating for the franchise was 3.375/10. Lol.
RSS Feed